If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
