I'm lost and stupid without you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
