No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
