Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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