I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
