"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
