Only a mothe r could love this liver
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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