I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
