don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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