isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
