someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
