I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
