He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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