I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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