i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize