Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
