lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
