i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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