Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
