I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
