Sry I called you an 8
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
