we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this beer tastes like vomit already
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
not ubering you a puppy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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