But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
