Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
