WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
