why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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