Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
