Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
