Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
