She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need a burrito and a hug.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
