wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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