Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
