I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
