Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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