so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
