I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need to calm my uterus...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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