did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
