i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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