tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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