You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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