One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
