I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
