I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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