if you like me you must not know who I am
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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