Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
