Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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