I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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