Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
