What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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