The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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