I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
