so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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