I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
