Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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