I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
