At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
