I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
