I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
