Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
