Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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